Michelle Laranjeiro July 20, 2014
We all have it, you know, that little voice in our head. It seems like it never stops, that there is always something to say and more often than not, what it is saying is not endearing. This self-talk is driven by our very own negative believes of how we view ourselves and the world around us. Yet what most of us fail to realise is the evident role it has between us and success in every area of our lives.
Regardless of whether we believe we can or cannot do something, we are correct because our reality is created in the mind. We live our lives attaching meaning and labels to everything. Every moment of every day we are making choices and those choices are either taking us closer to a goal or further away from it.
Here are 7 destructive beliefs that will sabotage success:
Where, what or how you got to this moment will not predetermine your future. If you have failed in the past, congratulations, you have learn how not to do something. Don’t allow those experiences to define who you are. Blaming your past is not the answer and will not change the result. Stop telling yourself and anyone who will listen the same story, and start scripting a new chapter in your life. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result! It won’t surprise me if you have heard this before but how have you applied it to your life? Life can be cruel and unfair at times, no one has escaped pain, but it can’t rain all the time, so go out there and make every moment count, you create your future and you are doing that right now with every choice and decision you are making.
Using defeated and exaggerated statements such as, ‘nothing ever goes right’, or ‘Everything always goes their way’ or, ‘I can never do anything right’ frame our thoughts and behaviour. Words such as ‘never’ and ‘always’ are words which are used to indulge the egos in a pity party. Don’t go there – break the pattern. Instead of viewing life and everything in the world as either black or white, yes or no, right or wrong, leave room for every shade in the spectrum and consider the word ‘Maybe’ instead. By adopting a different perspective, you open yourself up to the possibility that there may be alternatives that have never been considered before. This will provide you with options you never even thought of previously.
3. Superman & Wonder Woman
Believing that you can do everything yourself. As John Donne said, no man is an island. Nobody knows everything and there certainly aren’t enough hours in a day to do everything yourself. Why carry a burden that can be shared? Being able to outsource, delegate and share your skills, time, resources and knowledge will help you get more done in less time, thereby maximizing your potential.
I personally have wasted years of my life doing this. Wanting to be perfect will always leave you with a feeling that you are simply not good enough, setting yourself up for failure before you even begin. Being human means that we are intrinsically flawed. Instead of wasting time focusing on what should be or could be, enjoy the moment you are in right now. Do the best you can with what you have, by doing so you will focus on what can be achieved and channel your time and energy more productively.
Either you control your emotions or they control you. We can get carried away with how we feel and become trapped in a victim mentality. Take a step back and reassess the situation, filter the facts from the fiction and look for solutions. At times this may be hard to do on our own. Sometimes, the best and the bravest thing we can do, which may also be really difficult for some, is to ask for help, but do that and know that it’s ok. If you allow yourself to stew in your emotions it will distort your reality and give that little voice free reign, leaving room for nothing but regret.
Every time we compare ourselves to another person we do ourselves a disservice. Social comparison theory explains that we compare ourselves to others in an attempt to make evaluations of ourselves. Of course, there is a price to pay for that. Although comparing ourselves to others can provide room for growth and may inspire us to want to be and do better, research has shown that comparing manifests feelings of low self esteem, insecurity and depression. Unsurprisingly it also breeds feeling of mistrust and suspicion. Why be a second rate copy of someone else when you are unique. There is only one you, so embrace who you are. Redirect your efforts onto your own goals and the action needed to achieve them.
7. Approval Addiction
Whether you are a person you says that you don’t care what others think of you or you are the opposite, one thing is for sure, what others have to say about you is not nearly as important as what you have to say about yourself. Regardless of what someone has to say about you, it is merely their opinion and in many cases it is ladened with their own insecurities, so take it with a pinch of salt. If there is any truth to the matter, use it as a tool to improve on yourself. Ultimately, self-esteem starts in you.
It all starts in the mind. Our thoughts influence our reality, which in turn shape our beliefs, resulting in our actions. Being more attentive to the quality of our self-talk and the power of our words, can shape a future that serves us or continues to harm us, the power of that choice lies within you!